Dear Mom (an apology)

Mothers protect their children from day one. They love and guide their children through a world that is cruel and full of disappointments. As the child ages, the security that their mom gave them, fills them with a confidence of her continuous presence in their life. They begin to assume her role is a permanent fixture. The mother becomes overlooked and taken for granted. This is for that mother. This is for my mother.

dear mom

Dear Mom,

Now that I am older and no longer led into decisions based on my hormones I thought I should apologize for the actions of my youthful years. I’m not sure when I gained the understanding of how much my actions meant to you but I am thankful for the ones that made you smile. For the ones that hurt you I am sorry.

I am sorry for the spiteful way I said things when I disagreed with you. I am sorry I couldn’t think of a more compassionate way to express my opinion. I am sorry for the times I rolled my eyes and didn’t see how much you already understood my opinion. I am sorry I saw you as an indestructible person and I let you see my ugly. The ugly that the rest of the world was protected from thanks to etiquette and culture. I am sorry for not cherishing our relationship. I am sorry for assuming your role as my mother was an obligation, when it was a choice. 

Thanks for always loving my ugly.

I treated you as if you didn’t get me. When in reality, if anyone is capable of getting me it’s you.

I promise to be considerate when I speak to you. I will not take advantage of your continuous need to take care of me. I will not be rude and discount your opinion. I will listen just as you have always done for me. I will be grateful for who you are and who you have helped me become.

Thank you, for the love and security you gave me that made me able to be so transparent with you. Thank you, for loving what you saw even when it wasn’t the sugar and spice you were promised. 

I love you forever and for always,

Your Daughter

mom

xoxo

April Walker

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