Rhett and I have a great relationship. Many can say they have a great marriage because they function well with their spouse. Meaning they know their role and they each perform it well. But, not many can say they have a relationship at all with their spouse. They live life together but do not share a life together.
My husband and I value our time together so much that if our night, from the time the kid’s are asleep until our bedtime, is interrupted, we miss it. We love hanging out every night. We love and respect each other dearly.
I’m going to share with you how we have developed this amazing relationship. It’s so simple but many couples lose this perspective.
I allow him to be himself and I allow myself to be me.
We are different in so many ways. Differences that often could lead to confrontation. If I have a mindset that we should be the same then I will constantly correct him, argue my side, and try to change him. I love him. Period. If I am in awareness, that he will not make the same decisions I make, have the same opinions, or do things like me because he is a man of his own identity that makes up that person I love then I will find understanding, peace, acceptance, love, and joy for these differences.
I will not try to change him. I offer advice and my opinions but I trust his intelligence enough to allow him the freedom of what to do with it. So many times couples fight over things they both are right on, they just need to find a compromise. It’s difficult to make two different thoughts come together to make one. But respecting your spouse for being who they are is a great start.
In allowing him to be him I don’t make everything about me. If he wants to do something or says something, it can just be what it is. His… I don’t have to be involved.
I also allow myself to be me. This means I don’t revolve my world around him. I used to stress so much about my role as a wife. I would always try to wear makeup around him, jump when he says jump, ask before making decisions, and worry about what he thinks of me. A healthy dose of all of this is good but to stress to the point you lose your own thoughts, opinions, and interests is not healthy. You need to know who you are as a woman and love it if you expect him to love you for the same thing. If I’m constantly consumed in his identity for me I’m just fake. Creating a fake relationship.
If you don’t know what makes you happy, then how is he supposed to know? If you don’t know your opinion or feelings how is he supposed to respect them?
Know yourself. Take time to dream, make friends, work, invest in yourself, and learn what makes you who you are. Once you respect and love yourself it is much easier to love others for who they are as well.