When Rhett and I got married we were forced to learn quickly how to make it work. We had exactly 9 months to get our act together so we could then begin learning how to be parents. This boot camp marriage scenario isn’t ideal but with 10 years under our belt we can testify that it is possible to have a great marriage regardless of your circumstances. There was a lot of trial and error, and more errors… But the fruits from our labor have been well worth it.
I know marriage is hard. I can honestly say that the fighting sucks, learning to live with someone with different opinions sucks, and humbling yourself to admit when you are wrong sucks…..
We had and have our share of “passionate” discussions.
I think that was one of the biggest obstacles for us. Realizing that fights are going to happen and that the fights lead to growth, gave our marriage a chance to breathe.
After the many romance comedy’s I watched I was under the impression that true love doesn’t fight. That if we fought we were doing it wrong. We had 3 strikes and your out mentality. So each fight built up more tension because we began fighting about the fact we were fighting.
If someone with a marriage I deemed as “true love” and “they are meant for each other” status would have told me they still fight, the pressure of a perfect marriage would have been replaced with grace. I couldn’t give my spouse grace because in my mind I was fighting for our marriage. I was right regardless because I was making our marriage work and become “better”. But the fights were soooooooo stupid. They were created from petty, selfish insecurities and ideas formed from the “how it’s supposed to be” mindset.
Let me take the opportunity to tell you that Rhett and I fight. He drives me insane and I do the same to him. But now that we realize we are allowed to not agree, allowed to be different, and allowed to do things separately, we don’t fight as hard. We accept the differences. And even learn to love them the most.
I love my husband and I know he loves me. I like my husband and being around him as much as possible. But we are different people and we will disagree at times. Once you give your marriage the grace it needs, it is so much easier to give your spouse the same grace.